Dear Tooth Fairy,
Let me make this short and skip the phoney well-wishes part. Ironically, I just would like to know if there's still a tooth fairy. If so, are you the original or are you a new appointee? I'm asking this because you seem to have neglected a few aspects of your job. Or maybe you just don't like me a lot.
You see, for days now I have been suffering from super sensitive teeth. And my masochist of a dentist told me to go on therapy for five days before she can do something about my teeth. I have to have my teeth xray-ed and then she'll decide what to do with my charming pearlie whites. I'm wondering, what part in INTOLERABLE THROBBING PAIN THAT SPREADS THROUGH MY ENTIRE HEAD din't she understand. And dear Tooth Fairy, can you do something about these dentists tapping on my teeth? I almost fainted when she tapped on my extra sensitive molar. I told her it hurts but she still had to tap it. Was it some sort of a lie detector test? Oh well, she's the boss around here and getting a second opinion might prove to be very expensive.
I've always been a prompt brusher. I may be guilty of not visiting my dentist twice a year, but then again who could blame me (please see intolerable throbbing pain... and tapping). These people are monsters! I know they can be nice sometimes but when the tapping and poking starts, I can't help but imagine myself under a cold knife - without anesthesia. Anyway, as I was saying, I am a terribly conscious brusher (to buy my way out of visiting the dentist as often as required). I won't stop til I feel my teeth squeak. I would brush my teeth at least four times a day (2x the recommended minimum) and won't go to bed not brushing. And of course I floss.
Still I remember my dental life as a stormy one. I cannot bite into an icecream stick or I'll get teary eyed and probably pass out. I make sure that there's ample supply of mefenamic acid in my purse, medicine box at home and locker at the office. I've always had sensitive, easily-corrupted set of chompers.
I'm beginning to suspect that you, Tooth Fairy, has been playing favorites. Why won't the guy I know get half the suffering that I have? I mean, he brushes once a day (I think most guys do so too) but I never heard him complain about having toothache. He can even grind ice with his teeth. Such injustice.
So now beloved Tooth Fairy, I would like to let you know that I'm not very pleased with how you perform your job as a tooth fairy. I don't want to sound mean, but it's not really fun not sleeping for two days because of some darn tooth and gum ache. You should do your job well or I'll personally see to it that you get fired and replaced. By the way, how many Tooth Fairies are there? Can I get a more responsible one, preferably a hot male fairy? Just kidding.
And oh, how come I never get anything for every tooth I lost?
Lovingly yours,
Lynn