Portrait of an Apology

I dreaded the day it might happen again.

Your 30 messages cut me so deep, I don't know how it's possible that I can still bleed. I am always so brilliant in hurting you. It's my curse. I always hurt those I love the most.

You with your fragile heart, you're my prey.

I know in your heart you know I never meant to hurt you. I never intended to make you feel that way. You're one of my most cherished treasures. I hold you up so high, the stars pale in comparison to the light I see in you.

I want to protect you from the world and from my self.

There's just so many things left unsaid. But once again this silence separates us and I'm seriously scared this time.

I am never the person who tries to explain her side. How people judge me is a reflection of how they process what they know about me. It's not necessarily my problem. I was hoping that how much you know me is enough to extinguish the fires of doubt you've had and now have.

I guess I failed to make you feel just how important you are to me.

I'm not giving you up. Not in a million years, I won't. But please don't misjudge my silence. It's my defeat. It's my only way. I'll be here, waiting. Secretly hoping that my wishes will somehow lead you back to me. If this time you'll move on without me, I'll be happy for you. I only want you to be happy, even if it means getting rid of people who weigh you down.

Take care now. Be safe.