Goodnight, Lenard.

Last night a dozen friends and I went to attend a dear friend's funeral. I was informed of what happened to Leonard via phonecall. I was in a state of denial for a while, even entertaining the thought that maybe this is just a sick joke. The mourning people at his house and the tiny burning incandescent bulbs made us believe that truly this is not a sick joke, but the sad reality.

I fought back the tears that threatened to fall. I'm most vulnerable nowadays, losing in battles with my personal demons. But how can I even think of my self when a friend lay dead in front of us, wrists black and blue, face bloated from the suffering he had before life left his 20-year-old body. He died a violent death, and a rather senseless one, at least from my understanding. Senseless in way that his life was taken by total strangers who do not have the slightest motive for killing him. Napagtripan lang. Wala lang. Putangina. He was stabbed to death with an icepick. He bled from within his last hours on earth. Baka "high" yung mga pumatay sa kanya. Napagtripan lang siguro. Kala siguro nila hayop yung sinasaksak nila. Pitong beses sinaksak. Putangina.

He was found wobbling his way through the West Service Road. He died in his father's arms. His last words were, "mommy... mommy..."

This morning, as I tried in vain to start a normal day, Lenard's death scene played on and on in my brain. Twenty. Fresh grad. Smart. Kind. Sweet. Ambitious. Bunso. DEAD.

And as I was driving on my way to work today I turned my radio off and sang Jars of Clay's Fly. Oh how I wept.

I wept at the thought of his parents. I can only imagine their agony, having to lose their youngest child in a violent death. A child, whom they've protected from the evils of this world, a child they gave up so much for, a child they've always treasured as God's most precious gift to them, a child they so loved - stabbed to death like a criminal killed by another. I'm a mother too and just imagining it happening to my child is enough to make me lose my mind.

I wept because the world seemed an even more dangerous place to live in. I will never feel safe anymore. The fear in me for my loved ones' safety had grown to monstrosity.

I wept because we've lost one of the very best friends we'll ever have.

o0o


Lay-out: Albert.

o0o

FLY

Be still
Let your hand melt into mine
The part of me that breathes when you breathe
Is losing time
I can't find the words to say
I'll never say goodbye

And I'll fly with you trough the night so you know
I'm not letting go
I'm not letting go
Tears like rain fill up the sky
Oh my love I'm not letting go
I won't let you go

I saw a host of silent angels
Waiting on their own
Knowing that all the promises of faith
Come alive when you see home
Hold still and let your hand melt into mine

Shed your heart and your breath and your pain and fly

Now you're alive

I won't let you go



o0o

Lenard's journey through life is now over. And I won't try to make sense of everything that has happened. He was never really ours to begin with. And we know that we must now take courage and let him go back to where he really belongs - to Our Maker. He's finally home.


Goodnight, Lenard. We'll miss you, but I know we'll see you again someday.






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a postmortem story

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!


My long weekend started well, with the usual ghouls hovering about. Spent friday night at Absinth where I got to see my beloved dark angels again. Jon a.k.a. ears with feet greeted me upon my arrival. I held Mon at gunpoint so he'd come. The antisocial in him came just too strong. But i aint about to budge one tiny bit. I wanted to have fun and fun i did have.

Jarek was friendly, which by the way is rather scary. hahaha... Nii i spotted with her usual group. Everyone seemed ecstatic to be there, except one. Jomi was battling with his personal demons. I asked him over and over to stay, knowing that all too silent side of him almost always wins when things don't go too well. Louis arrived with the equally handsome RC. Too bad they dint stay long. But at least i've seen them and their short stay made my night so much better.

Jon's friendly nature was really touching. I'm glad you showed up. And dott, man he was insane! He was immensely girlie with his black blouse+ skirt + strappy high heels + stockings combi.

It must have been the excitement over the long weekend (does it matter to most of us?) that produced the good vibes, for certainly everybody, except two souls I know, were in good mood. i was feeling kinna special that night, seein and kissin people, (semi-)dancing with the music. The Atrocity's set was nice, and I especially liked their spin on Eleanor Rigby and Tainted Love. Skies of Ember performed well too, with the female dott in front. i think it sort of confused the ghouls, but to me it was rather cool, not to mention brave. here's a pic of dott's band that night:

oh, di bah ang ganda nya?

Jomi's band was the last one we watched before mon and i cut through the crowd. Damn valet parking, we were only able to stay til 3 am. Btw, I also met Drix, the devil-eyed guitarist of Agape, and a member of the TalamascA account.

After eating at chimara, we went straight to the washroom to pretty ourselves up (goodluck na lang sakin). So there, we were all facing the huge mirrors. One girl said, hoy, pahiram nga ng eyeliner, di gumagana yung sakin eh. I looked at juki's reflection. ayun... we just couldn't stop laughing - beside the girl who said that, na di pala namin kasama. So yun - ang bastos namin ni juki . Adding insult to injury, juki ran out of the washroom and told bijan the story. eh rinig na rinig namin sa loob!. Eh kasi naman, bat ka naman bibili ng eyeliner na di gumagana?!?

Nothing much happened after friday, with saturday spent curing my lack of sleep and unimaginable exhaustion. Spent the rest of the long weekend watching movies at home, malling, visiting my parents, cooking and yes, working once in a while. Monday night was a different story tho.

Was confronted by dott for something I've said at a friend's LJ post. He got so upset but he was calm. And always believeing the saying that ang nagagalit ang may karapatang magalit, i humbly apologized. i realized once again that people differ. that what's okay with me may not be okay to others and vice versa. people differ in their perception of things. and i did him wrong for not respecting his choices. and what got me was when he said that things like those (us talking about his "activities" like boy abunda and kris aquino) only happens to NORMAL people. and as far as he knows, i'm not normal. I don't know but i was flattered when he said that, and i probably know what he meant by that.

And before the long weekend was over, lemon and i dressed up to celebrate the halloween. mon joined in after a while. it was fun playing pretend, especially when you live in a seemingly haunted castle-inspired dungeon. here are some of the pictures:


lemon chopping at the pumpkin which was my head (ouch!)


my baby monster at my parents' house


by the light of the dead


ghouls


a happy jamiroquai halloween!


mon (before the accident, hahaha...) and lemon


a spirit by the spiral staircase

now i cant wait to see my beloveds on saturday.

The Book CLub

I've hit rock bottom. Not only did I create a group of beautiful make-believe creatures of the night, but I've also joined forces with the geeks. Yes, I've joined a book club, the Anne Rice Philippines book club. And last friday, not listening to the voices of insecurity inside me, I packed my "possessions" and went to the 1st ever meeting of OUR group. Powerbooks Megamall was our lair for the night.

Featured book: Interview with the Vampire.

We tried in vain to stay focused. Though we were very excited to talk about the book, personal stuff just couldn't wait to take the stage. We ended up bonding and having so much fun laughing our guts out. I don't feel the need to write here the in-depth discussion we had, fearing that I'd bore the living daylights out of everyone. I'm just gonna say that I was enlightened. I thought I knew the book, every aspect of it, every tiny detail. And I'm glad I came across fellow readers who seem to feel a little 'betrayed' when the film came out. Most of us, if not all, agreed that the casting was an overkill, that the shimmer of the actors overshadowed the characters they portayed. They were good though, there's no question about that. However we did feel that Kirsten should have received an award. I agree with Penny when she said that she's the best actor there, portraying the damned child, Claudia.

 

Ahhh... I shall never finish so let me end this now. In my heart I hold a thousand memories of this night. And for my friends, some of our photographs. Next book next month: The Vampire Lestat.

The Most Coveted Book: The Vampire Companion, beside TalamascA's journal. And oh, have I told you that Caz has a 1976 IWTV? Gawd I'm so envious!





Of course I dint try to name the attendees because, well, I'm bad with names. I should be punished. Hehe...


I want some more!

The Bible Villain I am

Caiaphas You scored 67% Pride, 50% Envy, 65% Ambition, and 72% Deceitfulness!

You are Caiaphas, the high priest of Israel. You were a member of a strict Jewish sect known as the Pharisees. Aside from praying in the temple, your mission in life was to have Jesus executed. You are a rather ambitious person and you tend to accomplish most of the goals that you set for yourself. This goal was no different. You managed to have Jesus (the Son of God) crucified in approximately the year 28 AD. You had to get rid of Jesus because he was an insult to your pride. Before Jesus showed up, you were the most righteous man in all of Israel. Jesus was not only more righteous than you were, he also pointed out faults in your righteousness. Your pride blinded you to Jesus’ message and drove you to put the man to death. Of course you couldn’t do this right away because many people viewed Jesus as a prophet. This is the point where your deceptive skills came in handy. You welcomed Jesus into Jerusalem as an honored prophet and three days later; you arrested him in the night and hastily set up a trial to execute him.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 84% on Pride You scored higher than 71% on Envy You scored higher than 74% on Ambition You scored higher than 88% on Deceitfulness

Link: The Which Biblical Villain Are You Test written by MetalliScats on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

It's funny how tests like this one can make or break your feelings. Oh what the hell, I took a villain test. What do I expect.

But yes, Pride is my weakness. One only needs to step on my pride to get the better of me. But deceitfulness, hmm... well maybe. I never see myself deceiving for personal gain tho. Maybe I should take this test again when I'm not so angry anymore.

-sigh-

A Perfect Night

My JOC friends spent the night at Le Château Hanté. They're my relatively newer group since I only got to know them this March, after the Jars of Clay concert at Araneta. I won't even be part of this group if not for   who introduced me to a friend who's a member of this e-group. From that first meeting at Coffee Bean in GB3 I've grown to love this group for its healthy(?) sense of humour and of course, for its sensibility. They're my panabla from being oh-so-very-bad, always on the wholesome side (i guess for now, hehe...), always a source of inspiration. I can always be my shallow, blissful self when I'm with them and actually feel good about it.

 

As I was saying, a dozen of my JOC friends spend the entire saturday night at our humble abode. There was non-stop chatting. We devoured everything edible that we had. I cooked seafood pasta for them (a labour of love). Doc Lei bought us pizza. BTW, it was her birthday some days ago so this overnight thing was also sort of a celebration for her. Albert the latecomer made a smiley chocolate cake and a box of chewy chocolate chip cookies for the group (another labour of love - a bigger one!). There were donuts and chips and coffee and oh, a lot more stuff. No wonder we were high that night.

 

So many things to talk about that we only got to watch one movie - Big Fish. Daks, the creator of the group picked it and wouldn't rest til we were all gathered around the TV. Oh, I almost forgot. We explored Le Château Hanté and I think they enjoyed it, though I personally think that the house is a total mess for all its ruined glory. They also got to see the following: (1) where my peasant neighbors live (a private joke); (2) the "swamp" that used to be a pool; (3) the ala-Wizard's Chessboard (a person is the actual chesspiece); and (4) the giant 3-storey birdcage (bakit mashadong malaki? kasi kulungan yan ng mga kalapating mababa ang lipad. hwehehe...). Too bad I couldn't show them the "hidden rooms" for I feared that our monstrous mosquitoes might devour them.

 

Castle exploration, eating marathon, daldalan, baby-sitting (Lemon loved them!) one movie (except for Dex who enjoyed watching Super B), Pinoy Big Brother, over-flowing coffee. Then came the time for, guess what... Guesstures! It's played like charades, only it's noisier. Well, at least the players were noisier than normal. We had so much fun playing and we laughed so hard, even if it's already 4 a.m. The funniest players were: Fer, our own psycho bunny + king kong na pabaliktad mag water ski, was a good sport; Master "Crazy" Daks who laughed his guts out at my pang-aasar and  Detty, the Magic Magician with the 20/20 vision. Argh! I don't remember much anymore. I remember though that we probably woke half of my peasant neighbors (ha-ha) with our laughter.

 

They stayed til 8 a.m. the next day. I hate to see them go and would really love to have them back. For now, let's enjoy the pictures na lang. There's always next time you know. -wink-

 

Thank You: Doc Lei, Jeeldz, Shawie, Lenard, Dex, Daks, Fer, Detty, Naning, Albert and Jomar (hopefully I dint forget anybody). Oh, and Roy, Fer's friend from PGH too. I had so much fun!!! You can always come back. -wink wink-

LSS

Ack! Imagine me having LSS. If that's not bad enough, imagine me LSS-ing the Papa Cologne song from Parokya ni Edgar's latest release.

PAMATAY!

ANd oh, i also can't stop singing Mang Jose and Order-Taker. Halp!

A day in the Life

Took a leave from work to go to my babe's fieldtrip. I can hardly make her stay put, with the excitement bursting right out of her face. It was indeed a day to remember (and probably the best day of my life, except for the occassional motion sickness I'm known to have).

First stop, St. Peter's church in Quezon City.

To my utter, disappointment I discovered that my camphone wasn't fully charged. It started giving out this low-batt noise I'm allergic to. I only had one thing in mind: when I get home I'm gonna kill *bleep* for it seems he forgot to charge the phone before handing it over to me. Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust perfect! But then I decided that I wouldn't ruin Lemon's day just  because of my urge to end *bleep*'s life abruptly. It's not fair that I let her suffer. This is her day, not mine. And maybe, no, surely God was on our side, because after a few minutes, the phone started back on.


Second stop: Avilon Zoo. It would have been a more tolerable ride for me (I can barely stand buses) if our guide was a little more sensitive. She mentioned this incident where a bus full of students fell into the river a few meters before reaching Avilon Zoo over and over. Gawd I wanted to stuff her mouth! Oh well, sabi naman nya, di kami dadaan sa tulay na yun. But still... ahh... you get my point.


The highlights of the zoo trip:


Nice facade. I literally fell inlove with the landscape!



The not-so-shy Ostritch.



The rather friendly bear named Orange.



Huge Tiger. RAWRRRRR! I only hope I could come closer. Teehee...



The owl and my brave Lemon.



At the end of the trip to the zoo, me and my babe are already dead tired (I was running after her all day). But in fairness, Lemon had behaved relatively well. Oh you should have seen those mean kids! One of the mums asked me how I could "control" my daughter. I simply answered, I don't.


Two stops done, only three more to go (oh my how my head ached!)


Third Stop: The Doll Museum in Marikina. We weren't allowed to take pictures. I was only able to take this one shot. Yeah, I know... I'm sooooo bad. LOLx!



Fourth Stop: The Shoe Factory. Not much to see really, plus the smell of the rugby and leather offended me. Kung rugby lang sana, ibang usapan na yun. Mwehehe!


While waiting for the rest of the class to get back on the bus, Lemon and I saw a truck filled with dogs. A guy ran after an askal, caught it, and loaded it into the truck. Oh  how Lemon cried! She's just so compassionate and it filled my heart with so much pride and warmth.


Fifth and last stop:The Shoe Gallery I wasn't able to take a pic of the largest pair of leather shoes in the world (which btw, were Pinoy-made) because my stupid camphone died on me.


We were given half an hour to explore the Marikina Mall (which I've explored so many times already since I work nearby). Lemons asked for some stickers and sticker notebook. What is it with kids and stickers? When we got back to meet with the others, she sat on the floor, opened her bag of stickers and started working on her album. It only took one tiny scream, and half of the class was already there, seated around my Lemon. She gladly shared her stickers and let even the meanest bully of the class to dig in and violate her sticker album. All the mothers took pictures of the cute little monsters on the floor. Again one of the mums asked me, "buti di sha umiyak." I wanted to say, well kasi mataas ang EQ ng anak ko eh'" but then it'll be too much. I only said that Lemon, being an only child, loves to be around kids her age. And that she didn't mind sharing.


Then finally it was time to go home. While the other parents are busy checking their prized photos, I was hugging my already exhausted daughter and kissing her chubby face. I told her, "you know what, Lemon? You made mommy so proud." Yeap, I truly am proud of her, my little Lemon, my one true love. While the rest of the kids' parents took home with them nice photographs of the entire day, I was taking home with me the kid who shared her stickers with the rest of the class and actually felt good about it.


Ang kulet!