Remembering the past to get past the present.

I don't deny the fact that I've been rather under the weather these days. My escape? I daydream. I create an alternate world where I am carefree and blissful. This time though, I was transported back to that time when I all I ever worry about was stuff like my grade three teacher always finding something to point out - hair out of place, folded page of our ancient books, long fingernails, a stain on my blouse, incomplete homework - the list is endless. Well, people like her still surround me up to this day but now they're either my superiors or "friends." =)

How I miss my childhood! I miss the days when my Nanay would scream about when she found out I went out of the house in midday to play on the streets with covers as capes and long sticks as swords (yes, I am that boyish!), when she warned me with a clothes hanger not to because I'd grow dark (Mom, just in case you didn't notice, I was born dark. I was never fair all my life) and get infested with lice that would fly me to where ever. I was lead to believe that lice come from the rays of the sun (and not from my playmates). Of course as a kid I've had them, not because I play too much under the sun, but because I play with fellow batang-kalyes (street kids) who probably had a kingdom of tiny blood-sucking insects in their crowning glory. Oh how my mother would try to intervene and keep me inside the house to pull each nit (louse egg) from my long long hair. Eh nanggigigil pa, so imagine the pain. I was especially torturted due to the fact that the rest of my 'team' was battling the evil giant robot from planet something something and I was left at the base, having issues with the commander. How could they accomplish such feat without me?

Voltes V, Shaider, Machine Man, Maskman, Bioman, Mask Rider Black, Ultraman, Magmaman... when I was a kid, my heart was Japanese. My posse and I would watch each episode in our house (my dad owns a TV repair shop so we had the best color TV set in the neighborhood). An episode was always better when you watch it with friends who're probably more enthusiastic than you'll ever be. Late afternoons were something to look forward to everyday. How we hated weekends then because we had to endure two long days without an episode. And remember how bitin you feel after an episode? And when the episode's over and they all had to go home, ayan na, nagkakawalaan na ng tsinelas! Some of them couldn't find one of their slippers gone while others couldn't find both! Some would find theirs a few feet away from our doorstep. Aside from walking home barefoot, we dread the anger of our mothers who'd give us a sermon that would put the bishop to shame, and use the spare slipper to teach us a lesson or two, but would buy us Sunbeach or Rambbo (this is the correct spelling!) slippers afterwards, of course not without embarassing you in front of the tindera first. Sosyal ka pag Islander ang binili sa'yo.

Once every full moon, we'd be allowed to stay up and stay out late. We'd play Patintero under the moonlight or pretend that we're camping out. We'd share ghost stories that would keep us awake and paranoid for days and nights! Pugot na ulo, white lady, vampires (they were described as monstrous beings), bats that attack, werewolf, aswang, kapre, tikbalang, mananaggal - I believed them with all my heart and wits. I didn't know that those were just nicknames wives lovingly give their husbands when they get home drunk and without money.

Tex (the ultimate trade card game), marbles, rubberbands, scented stationeries (babae naman ako minsan), Super Trump, Nintendo, Game and Watch (geyminwatsh), colored sisiw and itik, salagubang, palamig that doubles as sumpit na sago, playing in the rain, picking flowers from neighbors' well-kept gardens, picking fights with kids in the neighborhood, chasing dragonflies (the powdery stuff on butterfly wings can make you blind daw), Mighty Kid, Kaypee, amazing pencil cases, matching character shirts and shorts - these things made my world go round then. If only it's still that simple. Oh to be a kid again!!!

Pero the best pa rin ang Takeshi's Castle. One hundred thousand yen fighting spirit award!!!

I've had a typical childhood, seriously lacking all the luxuries most kids from the villages had. But it was fun, and I'll always remember it til the day I die. I especially love looking back when I feel down, just like now.

And it works! I'm now smiling and feeling like I'm okay to face the world again.

regretful much?

do you know the feeling when you wanted so bad to get out of a sitch, yet you can't because somehow you believe there's good in your sacrifices? and that maybe you'll be committing a bigger mistake if you do?

i'm in too deep. sucks.

10 Things (or my 10 happy thoughts recently) - stolen from Mea

The rules are easy:

Post 10 things that recently made you happy (or perky).
Tag 10 creatures who'd have to do the same.

And I tag:
1. Casey
2. Rej
3. Jovan
4. Nick
5. Ronan
6. Captain Karen
7. Fer
8. Elgeen
9. Ron
10. Chase (of course I know you wouldn't do it, would you?)


My happy thoughts recently are:

1. I'm one step away from certification! I might graduate from being a maggot next week!
2. I have a new The Nightmare Before Christmas backpack (thanks, Raffy!!! IOU!)
3. New friends, ka-bisyo, ka-bastusan at karamay.
4. Crushee flirting back (hehehe...)
5. Laugh-trip with people with meaner, but definitely healthier sense of humor
6. Lemon Lemon Lemon!!!
7. My English is better
8. my iPod has my favorite songs and movies and music videos
9. I'm well accepted being me this time. =)
10. I'm gonna be a year older soon (which is bittersweet)

Fishing for a good memory (stolen from Jeula)

Please post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want
Good or bad
Just as long as it happened.

Then have the liberty of posting this on your journal
And have fun discovering what other people remember about you.

=)

Bago pa 'ko abutan ng Valentine's Day...

I've been putting off blogging for quite some time now. It's not that nothing interesting had been happening lately, on the contrary, there are SO MANY that I couldn't even afford to pause and take a deep breath.

Enter 2008. Goodbye 4-year-old job, hello exciting new one! Well at least it was exciting when it was new. I'm struggling now, given the ultimate adjustments I had to undergo (working from 4 am to 2 pm, commuting to and from Makati, being confined in a station 8 hours a day, etc.). It's not just once that I thought of giving up, but I know I couldn't. At least not now.

Happy thoughts. Filling me a glass jar, plucking one at random when needed. Whenever I feel like giving up I search within my evil black heart for a certain thing, person, or thought that could make me happy, even temporarily. My daughter, God, fun people I work with, friends, crushes, HD's, Jack Skellington, Peter Pan and Tinker Bell, my mom, salary, kicking a$$, rest days, rock music, music videos, movies in my iPod... the list is endless. But sometimes it feels like they're not enough. I let out an exasperated breath and whisper, "Lord, ikaw na bahala ha. Parang di ko na kaya eh..."

To those whom I've promised attendance but didn't keep my word - I'm so sorry. It hurts me more than it hurts you. Sometimes, or most of the time, I'm just too physically and emotionally exhausted to move out of the comforts of my misery. Whenever I miss an event that I'm dying to go to, I simply get dead sad and hope that the world will forgive me for not doing what I love. I hope that I forgive my self for not doing the things I love. Then I go get a huge box of chocolates and devour everything in an hour.

Truth be told, I'm a maggot. I'm in this phase I should've grown out of years ago. I'm not really back to zero but I'm nowhere near the finish line. I've struggling to keep a balance in my life, but failing miserably to do so.

Deadline? I give my self til end of March to sort things out. I have to live the rest of the year happily content with what I have and what I can do.

And oh yeah, Happy Valentine's Day. I need all the love I can get. I once read that sometimes a smile is the ray of light that we need in our otherwise gloomy day. I would be needing those smiles now, please.

That Infectious Blog

Here are my seven results (so far). I couldn't help but laugh. =)

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

He'll Always be Sir William to Me.

Godspeed, Will. You've changed your stars. Now find your way back home.